Girl Behaving Apprehensively

I'm at work right now and I don't know why but this morning, I was so nervous. A mixture of feelings swallowed me whole & I was forced to take an early lunch to go home, just for a bit. You're going to think I'm silly for telling you why but I'll tell you anyway.

Today, on the msg boards, some folks posted a couple of videos of Click being performed at the CD Listening Party and I wanted to see it. No one, and I mean NO ONE had seen it performed before by NKOTB and the folks at that party got to see it first hand. I wanted to see it so badly but I knew that song was not released yet and I was afraid they were going to ask that the youtubers take it down. I debated whether or not to take a long break from work or to just go during my lunch break.

I messaged the owner of one of the videos to send it to me due to my paranoia and she sent me the link but I still could not see it from work. (It's events like these that are compounding and contributing to my want & need to quit my job) I was paranoid because I am so anxious about seeing every little thing that it is affecting my work, my mentality, my writing, my behavior, my priorities, and my personality. Crazy. But I got to see it and my nausea went away, my headache stopped forming, and all is right in the world. lol!

If you compare my writing at the beginning of when I started this blog, you'll see how different it is. I just cannot seem to get back into that writing mode that I used to have. No regrets though, just an observation. I had a conversation last night with a friend. Maybe I'll start writing for a sex show. We'll see. Sex show? Well, I gotta get some inspiration, which will have to happen after the concerts. After all, New Kids on the Block concerts do have a reputation in the past for being "the most sexually charged" shows of all. Why do you think I wanna go so bad? ;)