Working out some issues

I hate going to the gym. I feel like a poser there. I tell myself every morning that I'm going to go to the gym after work. But throughout the day, I start looking for folks to kick it with so that I can find an excuse not to go. Usually, I end up not going. But it's those times when I DO go that make me cringe.

I get there, grab my savagely ugly hawaiian tote bag with my gym clothes in it and scan my card at the same counter guy whom I am absolutely convinced has noticed that I only come in about once every year to validate my membership. He's probably laughing at me on the inside, thinking I'm a sucker or just really persistent. I can feel his eyes recognizing me from when I stepped in 4 months ago, pretending like I'm a hardcore workout enthusiast. Only that, after a half hour or so, I'm out the door with my horrendous looking bag and my fake panting from a workout that couldn't extract sweat from condensation. I get in my car, turn up my slow jam CD, and drive into the dependable traffic that is bound to ensue and consume my every move.

There's this one dude at my gym who is there pretty consistently. How do I know since I'm hardly there? Well, he just happens to be there every time I'm there so I guess it's an educated assumption. Besides, you can't miss him. He's around 50 years old, his back and arms are tattooed so that all you can see in between are gold hairs, laden with salty white blood sweat, and he's got a major mistake of a perm. He wears this black tank top and these striped shorts to work out in. It really bothers me because I become traumatized by the puddles of sweat he leaves behind from every machine he touches.

I imagine myself accidentally touching that sweat because I didn't know he used the machine. I imagine the sweat festering on my skin and me wiping my face with my hands that are drenched in another man's sweat and how it disgusts me and the only time it wouldn't disgust me is if he were my man but he's not because he's white. And it's not that I'm reverse racist but rather, I prefer to be with someone with some melanin. And I validate my non-reverse racism by my numerous crushes on white celebrities such as Paulo Costanzo, Joey McIntyre, Jensen Ackles, Michael Cera, Casey Affleck, and Topher Grace. The only time another man's sweat can stick to my skin is if I'm having the best sex ever and I don't give a fuck WHAT types of fluids land on me. Drip drip on hesitant lips...